Azed S2 E11B

Azed S2 E11B

The car began aquaplaning and I ran
into the car trying to overtake me on
my right, smashing into its side with
the force of a hammer on bricks. The
rain was still pouring down, but the
sound of the impact could be heard
even above the roar of the rain. My
car fishtailed, and I slammed on the
brakes and shifted into neutral as I
tried to gain back control. My efforts
were fruitless. The side of the car on
the right had an inelastic collision
with the side of my bumper and
peeled it off like the top of a tin of
sardines as it accelerated forward.
In 1687, Sir Isaac Newton, more than
anyone at that time, expanded the
borders of science. He published 3
laws that laid the foundations for
classical mechanics and investigated
and explained the motion and
behaviours of many physical bodies
and systems. In particular, Newton’s
Third Law of Motion states that
“For every action, there is an equal and
opposite reaction.”
This law is the driving principle
behind both complex and simple
applications in science. It is the major
principle behind the launch and
operation of space craft and rockets, it
helps in moving automobiles forward
on roads, it explains why fish can
swim, and on a larger, more
important scale, the centripetal force
of the sun and the reactive centrifugal
force of the earth ensures that the
earth remains in position as it
revolves round the sun. In my case, its
effect was nothing so groundbreaking
or overly scientific. It was much
simpler and dangerous.
When my bumper was dragged off,
because of Newton’s Third Law, a
large counter-force was exerted on the
car. This would not have normally
been much of a problem as the car
was designed to rest squarely on the
ground. However, in this case, the
road was wet and the car was already
skidding, and this magnified the
problem. The car went into a violent
spin, turning round and round like a
spinning corkscrew. The passenger
door bounced off the rear of the car
on the right and the boot slammed
into the side of the car going around
on my left. A panorama of my life
flashed before me as my eyes and I
said a quick prayer as I leaned back in
my chair and closed my eyes. My only
desires were that it was swift and that
I felt no pain.As suddenly as it began, it stopped.
The spinning ended, and almost
unbelieving, I opened my eyes in
shock. I was still strapped into the
driver’s seat of the car with my hand
on the gear s---t and blood on my
face. I sat unmoving for a few seconds
until the tingling in my feet and the
horns of Lagos drivers reminded me
that I was in the middle of traffic at
rush hour. The car had gone off in all
the excitement and, almost reverently,
I turned the key and drove out of
traffic to the side of the road. I sat in
my seat shaking from head to toe like
a wet dog after a bath. I was not the
most religious of men, but it was very
clear that a miracle had occurred and
a higher power had saved me from
certain death. My fares seated in the
back seat were saying “thank you
Jesus Jesu seun thank God” over and
over, and my emotions got the better
of me and I buried my head in my
hands and cried unabashedly.
When I lifted up my head, the rain
was stopping. In the grey light of rain-
soaked evening, I could make out
drivers shaking their heads in what
appeared to be pity at me as they
drove past. The drivers of the cars I
had hit had parked further down, and
as the rain reduced, they came down
from their cars to approach me. They
had only taken a few steps when they
stood frozen, turned back to their cars
and drove away. I was ecstatic at my
good fortune, and opened the door to
assess the damages. In another second,
I was hunched over the guard railings,
vomiting my lunch into the lagoon
below.
My car was bashed-in and dented in
at least 10 places, and I was missing a
bumper and both side mirrors and
headlights, but that was not the worst
thing I saw. Body parts were flung
over the road like a child’s toys in a
tantrum. The road around my car was
slick with blood and entrails and
bodily fluids, and the body of the car
was sprinkled with wide, uneven,
messy streaks of red like the work of a
drunken painter on a blank palette.
The body of the man who was trying to
rob the car was still wedged partway
into the car, but his torso was lacking
a lower half, and blood flowed from
him like water from a burst pressure
pipe. It was obvious what had
happened: he had been flung around
as the car spun, and wedged as he was
in the back seat, he hadn’t been able to
protect himself. His legs were snapped
off like dry twigs, and his torso had
been severed at the waist, the impact
and speed of the moving cars slicing
through him like a sharp knife through
a hunk of ham. It was a truly gory
sight, and again, I dragged myself to
the edge of bridge and vomited over
and over until I was dry-heaving.
When I could empty my stomach no
more, I flipped out my phone and
called my Lekki fare to tell her I would
be unable to pick her up. Then I sat
down to wait for the police.
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THEY CALL ME A-ZED
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